The Magical Child in Exile

Carol Omer

Reclaiming Creativity

I worked in women's shelters and human services for many years. The training that was on offer for staff was mostly issue related -dealing with challenging behaviours, anger management and loss and grief.

Most workshops had power points, butchers paper and a predictable format . Creativity as a medium for training and relationship building was foreign to the concept of professional development. The absence of multi sensory engagement sat within a larger empty field where information in human services is delivered as participants sit still, hands motionless in the traditional class room format.

What happened to all that movement and activity, fun and music in the kindergarten space where rapid learning was accompanied to the soundtracks of rhythm, paint brushes, fresh air, movement and a sense of magic and possibility?

Did we out grow the enjoyment of play or was it taken away and replaced with the sit still, stop fidgeting, eyes to the front rigours of the western education system?

I originally wrote The Magical Child in Exile when I was working in homeless and domestic violence shelters and recognised that many of the young people who came to live at the shelter had lost their sense of wonder and creativity but when creative processes were offered to them, becoming hands on and imaginative seemed to ignite an old spark and reawaken a playful, risk taking aspect to their nature that we had not seen before.

The Magical Child in Exile

Once upon a time there was a Magical Child who loved to draw and dance and sing and paint and laugh and play. Some days the Magical Child just twirled and swirled in circles for the sheer pleasure of it all.

The Magical Child even had an invisible friend and all the grown ups thought that was very cute, just as cute as when the Magical Child played ‘make believe’ and “I can do and be any thing”.

When the Magical Child was sad, tears flowed.

When the Magical Child was happy, laughter cascaded.

When the Magical Child was angry there were big yells and sometimes a full-body splat onto the ground but as soon as the moment was processed the discordant energy left their body leaving the cells free to breathe and grow and remain in their healthy natural state.

But by and bye-bye something happened one day.

The Magical Child was in the midst of telling one of the grown up’s (the groan ups as she later called them) about a funny little make believe story when the grown up said, stop being silly! You can’t keep pretending like that! You are a big girl now! They had said the same thing to her brother not so long ago. You are a big boy now. Stop crying. You’re not a baby! STOP IT.”

The Magical Child was shocked and her shock was accompanied by an unpleasant feeling inside of her tummy that took a long time to go away. It was a shaming, a conforming, con-forming moment. A matter of fact moment that began to alter the course of the Magical Childs life forever.

A shaming moment that would seep into the recesses of the subconscious mind and like a noxious weed, eventually choke the fertile magic-making soil as surely as if a nuclear land scape had been dropped in the new’clear landscape of the Childs mind.

And so it began. The artist, the story teller, the dancer , the prophet , the mystic all living and breathing through the imagination - the I~ magi~nation- of the Magical Child was told to stop! Be quiet! Don’t dance on there you’ll fall! Sit down!! Don’t be silly!! Stop asking so many questions! STOP!

On and on the toxic commands continued. All the way through school where the Magical Child was now only permitted to create only between 10 am and 11 am (art lesson), to tell stories between 2 and 3 on Tuesdays..(English lesson). Creating whilst remaining as motionless as humanly impossible. Stop fidgeting! Stop day dreaming! Pay attention!

A~Tension indeed!

Facing the front board, bored inside of a square box they called a room, a box where whirling, twirling, playfulness no longer came through the door, banned from ever mentioning invisible friends lest you invite the horrors of medication and mislabeling before you have even learnt how to tie your shoes up properly, the Magical Children sought to become what was expected of them and learn about things beyond their Magical, creative realm.

The Magical Child quickly learnt not to show sadness, anger or confusion and to repress inappropriate eruptions of joy, fear or insecurity in the class room. Making sure instead to h~o~l~d~It~In!! Sit Still! Eyes to the front…STOP whispering, laughing, talking. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Of course eventually the Magical Child stopped completely.

A kind of who-I-Am-amnesia set in.
Forgetting about the art, the magic, the songs, the dances and the stories and instead replaced those Magical currents with learning the things that the teacher insisted was important to their current learning, competing with the other lost Magical Children in the sports yard, in the academic arena and eventually in the work place.

If they were able to still function that is.

Magical Children are resilient and they are able to forget if it means freedom from the shaming, the naming, the labeling and the ire of the grown ups.

But some succumbed to their true self in spite of them self and sometimes became known as disruptive, troubled learner, withdrawn or uncooperative and other such names that reveal an inability to conform to the lost-Magic around them.

So was born the latest generation of leaders, many of them Magical Children in Exile, who will perpetuate the disappearance of magic and creativity in the system rewards conformity and compliance. Some even called it the evil empire.

A system saturated with lost Magical Children, living unreal lives, not even realising – real~eyesing – that who they have become is not who they were meant to be.

Many of the Magical Children, now groan-ups themselves are still h-o-l-d-i-n-g—i-t—-i-n-

After all the word evil is just to live backwardly….

It is not surprising many of the once-magical-minds of the inhabitants of the evil empire became choked with the weeds of mental illness, alcoholism, drug dependency, neurosis, psychosis, anger, depression, boredom and frustration, competition and back biting and preoccupation with celebrity lives and drama!

Magical Children are full of pure, free flowing creative energy and energy can not be destroyed, it simply transforms, turning toxic, creating tragic from the magic.

Millions of grown up’s are lost Magical Children in varying degrees of exile though a few do escape and return to their natural state I hear.

This must be why a nation can be preoccupied reality television and obsessed with the lives of the stars, the gods and goddesses of magic and creativity. A preoccupation with intrigue and adoration, seeing the world of possibility in the magic-mirror of television.

The men and women who did not stop playing and imagining became some of the richest people on earth. What a reward for staying connected to the world of pretend and play!

No longer creating and producing their own stories and art and dance, the need for fantasy and magic nevertheless remains ever strong.

Indeed when Magical Children in exile see others leading a magical life, something within their own self may yearn to return to that place of Magic, creativity and infinite potential for love and connection.

How many people are sighing their day away, feeling that something is missing not realising that ‘Something’ is their free flowing creative Self…

Sadly though the lost story teller may now be churning out reams of tragic-magic, gossip, chaos and unhappy relation

ships, forever telling their wounded story teller tales to friends and family, occasionally plummeting into the deepest chasms of depression and despair, overwhelmed by the tragedy of an uninspired life.

Alas the lost artist may be obsessively cleaning a clean house or weeding a weed less garden seeking to create something of note in their world, processing those ever-flowing creative energies towards their small boxed in life. At its most insidious, the Magical-Child will succumb to the hyper-high, outrageously creative manic energies , ill-fated to become an uninitiated mystic or master creator of chaos and mayhem.

If it is true that in order to experience heaven one must become like a little child then it might well be that the Magical Children no-longer-in-exile, those who have recovered from the amnesia and remembered who I Am will be the ones to remind us all how to begin the wonderful journey back to our true self and to reclaim what was always within.

After all the word reclaim is simply the word Miracle in anagram disguise...


Coloring in is on the rise in France

I was delighted to read a couple of articles this week about how French women have taken to colouring in like never before and have embraced it as an "anti-stress" activity

In her article Why felt tip pens are colouring French women happy Olivia Goldhill writes that colouring books are out selling cook books in France and how sales of a low selling colouring book were boosted after the words "stress buster" were added to the front cover.

In one facebook group there are over 1000 French women sharing their beautiful interpretations of colouring black and white pictures that we knew so well as children.

I have been creating Mandalas for women to colour in for many years and Olivia's article and another on the BBC World Service facebook page are a sign that the big secret is out!

Colouring in is a relaxing form of medARTation at a time when many women are yearning to reconnect with their creativity and return to simple pleasures in this highly complex world we are living in.

I began to create colouring sheets for women after I read Carl Jung's writings on how powerful the Mandala form is as a tool for self reflection and personal transformation.

I was working in a women's homeless and domestic violence shelters at the time and it was apparent that whilst many women were not reading books and were too uncomfortable to take on training and education at this stage, most had a yearning for new information that would enable them to break out of the limiting and often self defeating patterns in their life. So I created art work that carried the theme of that days discussion.

If we were discussing how to recognise patterns in relationships, the art work reflected the information that once was given in the form of written handouts and power point presentations.

When the conversation was about overcoming stress and anxiety or healing past issues, I created a colouring sheet that brought Nature into the concrete confines of the shelter walls and opened doors into a world many women had not considered before.

A couple of years ago, after almost 20 years of creating colouring sheets for women, I was encouraged by a small group of women to create a colouring book that had both the Mandalas (Circular patterns) and life coaching information so that women outside of the shelters and prisons where I was working could also enjoy colouring Mandalas.

It seemed like a good idea and with their love and encouragement I created The Big Girls Little Colouring Book as a download & self published it as a hard copy.

If you haven't come across the benefits of colouring in before, here are just a few of the things I have discovered over many years and if you work in women's services in any

capacity, I can not recommend highly enough how powerful the process is for women to relax, unwind and connect with their intuition and creative imagination.

It is also a terrific tool for staff development and team bonding and a Vision Statement workshops.

*Colouring in is an open eyed meditation. As the hands rhythmically colour the page, the movement is akin to a mantra that focuses the mind, relaxes the breathing and centres the consciousness into the Present moment. This form of medARTation is especially good for women who find that their thoughts
are racing and are easily distracted.

*The colouring in process is a wonderful tool for creating Women's Circles. When women come together to share food, conversation, creativity and laughter, there are enormous benefits for health and well being.

*Colouring in is not restricted to an indoor activity. My Mandalas have travelled in aeroplanes on long flights, gone to the beach for summer holidays and are at the centre of Big Girls Picnics where we head out to Nautre for a day of creativity, fresh air and delicious food and cups of tea.

I am truly delighted to see the growing interest and reclaiming of colouring in as a wonderfully simple tool for relaxation and fun. Although many women hold the belief "I am not Creative" they soon discover that once they put the coloured pencils back in ther hand, like we did so often when we were young, a certain kind of Magic awakens and we are transported into the world of imagination and possibilities we knew so well as children.

If you would like to download The Big Girls Little Colouring Book and experience the fun of colouring the 20 Mandalas with their accompanying Affirmation postsrs, click here The Big Girls Little Colouring Book Store and enjoy what many French women already know...Colouring in is magnifique!


I was asked about the creation of The Big Girls Little Coloring Book...

I received a delightful letter from a friends daughter who had received The Big Girls Little Coloring Book for Christmas.  My friend had purchased the  book   for her mother, her daughter and her self and I was delighted when Kiani contacted me with the following message:

Hi Carol, I have a question about The Big Girls Little Coloring Book... More than one question actually!

How long did it take you to come up with the pictures that are in the book? How long did it take to create? Was it hard to do? How did you come up with the idea of having a Big Girls Little Coloring book? What got you interested in drawing?

Kiani’s questions were a welcome opportunity to reflect on the process of the book after months of developing the Mandalas and poster and I told her I would answer them as a blog post with an acknowledgement of appreciation to her. 

Thank you Kiani! I have enjoyed your questions and the opportunity to reflect on the Big Girls Little Coloring Book and where I began as a Mandala artist.

Here are the responses  to your well thought out questions:

How did you come up with the idea of having a Big Girls Little Coloring Book?

I had been creating Mandalas for women’s groups for many years. I was working in homeless shelters and women’s prisons and wanted to have personal development information available that didn’t need to be read as many women were not into reading or could not read because of low literacy, some  came from non-English speaking back grounds so I was looking for creative ways to share information and create a relaxed learning environment.

As my personal development art became known across women’s services networks in our town people began to ask me for copies of the Mandalas for their mum / sister / friend etc and it became apparent that the Mandalas were appealing to all women, not just those who were in shelters and prisons.

I had created a similar book of Mandalas with information a few years ago called The ART of Change but it stayed within the circles where I was working at the time. It was pre-facebook and social media era  so there was not the same on line  opportunities to share and market self published works like there is now.

How long did it take you to come up with the pictures that are in the book?

It was in March 2012 that I was offered a venue to launch The Big Girls Little Coloring book at my friend Megs Conscious Connections Centre a few months later in December,  12/12/2012

I had not even begun the book at the time, although I had many years experience of making Mandalas and women’s personal development art so I wrote out a schedule for the Mandalas of creating  one a week for 20 weeks and then a week or so for the posters that accompany them.
I also got married in that time so it was a busy few months and having a clear schedule for creating the Mandalas was very useful.

How long did it take to create?

From beginning the Mandalas to the launch it was 10 months & for the most part, I did stick to the schedule and found that having a plan was very useful. Although I think the book really began almost 20 years ago when I first read about Mandalas in Carl Jungs  book Memories, Dreams and Reflections.

Was it hard to do?

The biggest challenge was actually making the commitment to doing the book. 

Many people has asked me over the years if I would put my personal development art into a book and I usually said I will one day and will make sure to invite you  to the launch. The group of 4 women who encouraged me to actually DO the book and not just talk about it didn’t accept my standard reply, instead they came up with a date and a plan to support me through the creative process. I then became accountable to a group of women who really believe in my work and the importance of sharing it in the larger world.

If ever you want to achieve a creative goal Kiani, I really recommend you find one or two friends or family members who love and support you  and can be there during the challenges and celebrations!

What got you interested in drawing?

I was very lucky to grow up with a creative Mum so when most of us stopped drawing and making things as we went on past primary school, I continued drawing. I actually believe we are all creative but many of us stop doing the drawings that we loved to do in early child hood, and then we forget we ever used to do them in the first place.

In my later years I was always doodling during meetings, on the telephone, I discovered that I absorbed information better if my hands were occupied as I talked or listened. This is known as kinaesthetic learning, whereby we learn best by doing,  by having movement as we explore new concepts and information.

Even now I see interesting shapes in the clouds and landscapes and am always thinking “hmmm…that would make a good Mandala”.

Thanks so much for your interesting questions Kiani. 

You are very welcome to share photos of your coloured  Mandalas on The Big Girls Little Coloring Book facebook page and I hope the coming year is filled with fun and creativity for you!

Why do so many women say "I’m not Creative" ?

Yes you are!
I meet  many women who are interested in learning about  Mandalas and the medARTation of colouring them. 


Some women will say,  I’m not creative but I’d like to colour one of those Mandalas

I am  interested in the process that leads to  someone deciding I am not Creative

*Click image to enlarge

Every day in kindergartens and pre schools across the country little children are creating stories, making art, dancing, singing songs and painting all day, as one spark of an imaginative idea fires up another in the rich wonderland of the children’s inner world.
We were all that child once.

Many years ago I read of an experiment whereby a group of researchers went into a kindergarten asked the children questions related to their creativity.

Who can draw? All hands went up in the room and children began pointing to their master pieces on the wall. 

Who can dance? The same excited, uninhibited revelry erupted and some began a spontaneous display of their favourite move.

The children’s responses were an affirmation that creativity and imagination are very active and easily stimulated in the early childhood setting.

The team then went into a high school and posed the same questions to a group of 15 year olds. 

Who can draw? Amidst embarrassed laughter several students pointed to a girl in the front row, Melissa is a good drawer, she’s great, she’s the best drawer in the class.

The difference between the 5 and 15 year old was remarkable. Similar responses were met by the other questions Who can dance? Who likes to tell stories?

The exuberance of children who revelled in their creativity has dissipated over the 10 years. Words like good, better, best defined whether or not someone was considered creative or not.

As the experiment was repeated it became very apparent that somewhere between 5 and 15, children lose their free flowing creativity & will often adopt beliefs that are counter to the innovation, art,  song, dance and imagination that marked the richness of their pre-school years.

An early child hood worker was in one of my ART of Change  groups recently and she told me that it is always difficult to see her children leave to go into the ‘big school’ on the other side of the oval. She said  she knew they would have  to sit still for long periods, play less, tell fewer stories and have to reign in the impetus to jump, dance, shout and play in order to conform the expectations of a ‘well behaved’ class. 

She said she often comes across one of her little story tellers or artists a couple of years later and can see how their  flame of creative energy has begun to dwindle.

Perhaps those of us who have adopted a belief of I am not creative  have simply forgotten the free flowing imagination and world of possibility that we were immersed in as magical children?

It occurred to me that, as adults,  many people are  Magical Children in Exile, holding beliefs like my sister is the creative one in our family  or  I have no imagination  when in fact there is a huge well of unexplored creativity and imagination inside all of us, the very same unlimited creativity that we were immersed in when we were little children.

*Click image to enlarge

The good news is that there are many ways to reclaim  lost creativity!  

Sitting and colouring a Mandala can warm up the imagination and inspire new thoughts and ideas as we tap into the peaceful silence of the medARTative state. 

The rhythmic hand motions as we colour is like a mantra and our breathing slows down as we move into a restful, creative state.

It is in this state that we tap into  the imagination and deeper aspects of our mind that are accessed in silence, beyond the noise of the external world and our internal chatter.

Says these three magical words out loud & feel the difference!

*Click image to enlarge

Big Girls Colouring Circles ~ Crafternoon Delights!

I was delighted to receive an inbox message from someone who has downloaded The Big Girls Little Colouring Book to let me know that she is hosting a Big Girls Colouring Circle  this weekend.  Her home is in Canada, I live in Australia and thanks to the amazing power of social media, we are sharing a common passion & inspiring one another with the fantastic connections that occur when women come together and create.

The heArt and soul of The Big Girls Little Colouring Book is  to connect, create, inspire and invoke new possibilities. 

I am blessed to be a member of a group of 5 women who meet every three months for the soul purpose of spending a day creating, sharing food, laughing, offering feedback and new perspectives and simply taking a day out of often busy schedules to nourish and nurture together.

The last time we gathered I put theI Am The Gardener of My Life Mandala on the table and we also brought along interesting books and photographs to share in our talking circle.

I thought it would be fun to share some of the tips and tools for hosting a Big Girls Colouring Circle as several people have expressed an interest in getting together with their women friends and spending a day or an evening colouring together.
There is of course no "right" way or "wrong" way to host a get together but there are some things that can really contribute to making it an enjoyable, fruitful gathering.

This is what the space looks like before everyone arrives when I am hosting a home group:

This is what the table becomes once everyone has settled in. For this particular circle I provided the Mandala Energy Woman as a A3 small poster template.

Some groups decide that everyone coming along will bring something to share & sometimes the host likes to provide the meal /snacks, it really depends on the individual and the occasion.

If it is in the evening people may bring  something to share for supper but if we are having an all day get together (my favourite) we discuss before hand what we will have for lunch and what each person  would like to contribute.

Usually the host provides the tea and coffee and perhaps a few nibbles on the tables. Some groups rotate the hosting and others meet at the same place  and other groups I am  a part of through my ART of Change program may meet weekly, fortnightly or monthly.

Here are a few common questions I am asked regarding Big Girls Colouring Circles and if you have any other questions, drop me a line and I will respond in the comment section here:

Should I supply the colouring pencils and the Mandalas?

Ideally for a regular gathering it would be great if everyone had their own copy of The Big Girls Little Colouring Book although  someone recently told me she wanted to offer her downloaded book to her group members to chose their own Mandala.  This is a very generous gesture & the download format enables that kind of sharing. 

The copyright agreement in the download doesn't allow for multiple photocopying but we have made the book available at  a very affordable price knowing that women often want to share the experience with their friends and family. If members have their own copy they can experience the full 20 Mandala journey of the book both in the group and in their own time so it really depends on how you would like to share the process.

I always encourage people to have their own coloured pencils and pens as they become the tools by which we create with and bring the Mandalas to life in our own unique way. Sometimes the host will have her own supplies for sharing so again, it is up to the host and the group to decide.

What kind of colouring tools  should we use?

Thats a great question regarding what to use.
Theres a number of types of pencils. At the very sort of entry level for a good quality, inexpensive brand i recommend Faber Castel. I also use their texta colours but am not sure if they are specific to Australia or not.
After that the Derwent brand is great for variety and quality of lead and colour. 

InkTensives are also popular with many Big Girls colour'ers and I have used FaberCastel water coloured pencils on many of my Mandalas and the Mandala posters I create also.

The Rolls Royce of the colouring world are Prisma pencils, they are expensive but can often be found much cheaper on ebay sites. 
Many of my Mandalas are coloured with Prismas after asking for a group present from my family last year of the big box of them. :-)
Faber Castels are equally as good in so far as they are a very reliable brand. I always avoid pencils from the bargain type stores, especially in my workshops, as they are often cheap but have very soft leads and break and crumble very easily.

Some people have been talking about Copic Markers as a terrific colouring wand and I am planning on getting some for my Christmas present this year! Colouring in things for presents are a great way to build up the creative tool box.

A space where women come together to create, colour, share, laugh and cry is by nature a healing space because it is generated from Love. Sometimes our Big Girls group gathers in nature, we have Big Girls picnics & we also meet around the camp fire.

If your group shares a common Spiritual path you may like to think about opening with a healing prayer or inviting the oldest group member to share her Wisdom with the younger ones. The divine feminine energies are amplified when women gather & often the simple act of sitting and colouring together will generate its own Magic and story telling so we don't need to try too hard to "structure" the gathering.

In our womens circles we sometimes share a poem or a story or we bring a question or quandary to the circle, knowing our siStars will have answers and new ideas. We have laughed and cried and meditated and prayed together and celebrated our blessings with gratitude.

What do you think about the idea of a theme for the day? I thought I might read one of the big Girls affirmations and the story of the Mandala?

I think thats a terrific idea! You are creating the space for women to gather, women who you know and care about and so you are well qualified to choose the theme for the day and if you become an on going group, perhaps others might like to also introduce the theme in a rotating format.

For more information about the colouring in process check out my previous blog entry: "Its more than just colouring in "

I hope this has been useful for you and I will leave you with one last photo. It is of my beloved Mother, Maureen, as we sat and painted the air drying clay beads I had rolled for us earlier in the week.

When we sit in the creative space together, Mum tells me some of her stories. She shares the memories of her early childhood in war torn England, she tell me about books she has read, fond memories of when we were a little and what it was like to travel across the world to live in a new country when she was a young mother of three daughters.

Sitting in the creative space together is a beautiful, peaceful way to connect, to reconnect and to  enjoy the simple blessings and pleasures of creating with our hands, hearts and imaginations.

I hope you too  may feel inspired to share the Big Girls Colouring Circle with the women you love ...


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